Should Have Been Mine
by UnintelligibleDrivel
Summary: Hermione is like a disease, sinking into Ginny's every pore. And the worst part is that she will never be cured. Kind of hard when Hermione and Harry just got married. F/F. Set a couple of years after the war.
1. Chapter 1

Ginny Weasley sat and watched the wretched ceremony. Or at least pretended to watch with a big fake smile plastered firmly on her face. Everything about her was fake today. Her joy, her heartfelt well-wishes to the happy couple, her entire life. Harry Potter was marrying Hermione Granger, and she could not believe it.

_It should have been me._

The Burrow's garden was especially beautiful today. The late-afternoon, July sunlight streaming down leant the whole wedding an unearthly glow. Everyone's faces shone with angelic brightness and Ginny could not recall seeing such a large gathering of people so happy in a long time.

The happiest of all were now walking down the aisle. They had decided that their wedding would be non-traditional, and the only reason that they had an officiator(known as a priest) was Molly's insistence. Harry was beaming broadly, unruly hair now tamed and his eyes sparkling with extreme joy. This was obviously the best day of his life. Hermione's smile was not as wide, but was there nonetheless, although Ginny could detect something not quite right in it, a sort of ever present _wrongness _that marred her beautiful face. No one else seemed to notice though.

Hermione and Harry walked very close, and the love between them was apparent.

It was not always so.

_Once upon a time it was me._

She remembered the lingering touches, the shy glances, and the sincere confession after the end of the war.

_It should have been me._

But she had spurned it. She had held the greatest treasure of all in her palms and had discarded it like it was worthless, nothing but unwanted filth. Now she new better, she knew its worth. Realization had come far too late however, and now she was left to wallow in her own self-loathing for giving up the one good thing in her entire damn miserable life.

_It should have been me._

The couple neared the altar, and it sickened Ginny to see them like this, it all felt so strange and surreal, like she was watching the whole thing through a stained glass window, dabbling everything in hues of longing and hatred. She hated everything right now, she hated everyone. She knew she had no right to feel this way, she had been the one to refuse the advances, she had been the one who cast it all aside. Now she was paying the price. Once more her eyes found their smiles and lingered on them.

_It should have been me smiling._

The priest finished his long, boring monologue about the love they shared, and Ginny wanted to puke.

"Does anyone have any objections", he asked the room in the voice of a man who had never received an answer to this question and who found it a perfunctory waste.

This was Ginny's last moment, the last time she could do something about this travesty.

Her last chance to save herself.

_This could be me._

But she was unable to speak. Her throat felt like it was the size of a pencil and she could force no words out.

"I hereby proclaim you husband and wife".

The words hit her like a bullet and ripped her numbness apart, replacing it with a horrific burning in her chest, in her eyes, hell in her entire body. It felt like she was being eaten by acid from the inside out, slowly fading into nothing but a shadow. And then she saw them kiss.

_It should have been me._

It was hours later, the pain was gone and the hollowness was back, but this time it consumed her entire being. Everyone at the party had commented that she looked like she had seen a ghost. She would laugh it off but she knew that she had. In the mirror. When she had glanced at her reflection it had scared her. She looked like a walking corpse. Her eyes seemed completely black in the shadow cast by the late afternoon sun, while her fiery hair and skin shone brightly, but without the health, vitality and the vibrancy she normally exuded. It shined rather with the accursed sunlight, and served only to highlight how unhealthily pale she had become.

She had been sitting by a stream that ran a few miles away from the Burrow for an hour now just staring out into the sky.

That was when she saw them. They had obviously come out here for privacy. Ginny knew she should just apparate away, probably out of their lives forever. That was what she wanted to do. That was what every fibre of her self-preservation screamed at her to do, but she couldn't. Her eyes were inexorably drawn to them and she was frozen in place, completely incapable of movement. She was forced to watch as they kissed.

_It should have been me._

But it wasn't. The couple now pulled away from the kiss and Ginny could see Hermione's face. Harry had his eyes closed and was leaning into her chest, and Ginny could swear she saw Hermione's smile falter when she looked down at Harry. She looked almost... Guilty.

Then she looked up and saw Ginny. Her face contorted into an expression of horror and Ginny could swear she saw tears in Hermione's eyes, was that _longing_?

Ginny would never know because at that moment Harry looked up and recaptured her lips and Hermione's smile returned, just as fake as Ginny's.

_She should have been mine._


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks later...

She had no idea where she was. Not only emotionally but also quite literally.

The room she was in was small, dingy, and very dark. Most definitely not her room. The only similarity was the smell, which lingered somewhere between alcohol and melancholy. The first thing she noticed however was that she was not alone.

To her left lay a figure shrouded in blankets and its nudity became painfully obvious at about the same time Ginny's did. She hurried to get off the bed and get her clothes on. She couldn't keep doing this.

Every night since the wedding she had been going out and getting absolutely hammered. She knew it was the wrong way of dealing with things but hell it made her feel better. The only problem(aside from the obvious) was she would invariably, no matter how much she told herself she wouldn't this time, find any pretty brunette she could and take them home. Or more acccurately be taken home by one. She didn't want to be caught at it by one of her friends at her apartment. Her friends knew about Hermione, and they also knew about her little "habit", and they hated it. Luna especially would sadden whenever she brought it up, and Ginny felt awful when she saw her like that. Luna was her best friend and her shoulder to lean on whenever anything bad happened, and she knew that without Luna she would be in a far worse place.

She was about to apparate home when she recalled an appointment she had been forced into at Saint Mungo's. She also remembered that she was officially, as of last week, no longer supposed to apparate. She had reluctantly gone to Luna(who was a healer) for help and Luna had made her make an appointment to see a Healer Luna knew who specialized in problems with magic. Luna had obviously known what was wrong with her but she refused to tell her, stating the fact that she "didn't have enough experience" with this particular kind of sickness to explain it properly.

Ginny decided that by far her best course of action would be to find a muggle bus to take her to St. Mungo's. She went to the nearest bus stop she could find and waited. It was still early in the morning and the streets were surprisingly empty in this part of the city. When the bus arrived she got on, payed for her ticket, and went to sit down in the back of the bus.

She had to stop tears from running from her eyes for the umpteenth time as she remembered Hermione earnestly explaining how to use public transport. She could almost see Her laughing and flipping her hair over her shoulder, eyes bright with merriment at Ginny's ignorance. She always looked so beautiful when she was laughing. Her entire face would light up, and Ginny would be unable to remove her eyes from the girl's.

_Should have been mine._

Well she wasn't and Ginny refused to let Hermione torment her any more. She shut out all thoughts of Hermione and focused instead on getting off at the right stop.

Ginny had very limited experience of muggle London she decided to just get off at the bus stop near the Ministry and walk the rest of the way. Once she was off the bus Ginny was struck with a craving for coffee, just another bad habit Hermione had started. She found a coffee shop and ordered the usual, a large drip coffee, no milk or sugar. As she was waiting she noticed a figure in the back of the shop waving her over.

It was Harry.

_Oh no._

At this point she knew it would be rude to just leave, especially since she had stolled in leasurely and taken her time. Pretending not to notice him wasn't exactly an option either.

Ah well, what harm could it do.

She walked over to Harry with her best (fake) smile in place.

"Hi there Harry". She hated the faux cheery and carefree tone of her voice. She knew it sounded sincere to everyone else but she herself could hear the falsehood ring in every syllable. She detested it and wondered when she would be able to live free of the massive web of lies she had spun around herself to protect her.

_Probably never, or at least until I find a reasonable excuse to leave the country._

She chided herself for thinking that way but she knew it was true. Her natural optimism had been worn down into a vapour that rarely manifested itself and lately her thoughts had turned more and more to running away.

_Not running away, just moving on. _The little voice whispered.

"Hey Gin, how's life been treating you". Harry had his usual grin firmly in place and she could see his love and affection for her in his eyes.

Immediately she was hit with a rush of guilt. It wasn't his fault that Hermione was married to him. He had no idea that he was wronging or hurting Ginny in any way. He cared deeply for her and would never want to see her come to harm, emotional or otherwise. Hell he would probably have been willing to give Hermione up at the beginning of their relationship if Ginny had told him what happened between herself and Hermione, especially if he knew that Ginny still loved her.

Resolving to treat him better from now on she fixed her smile more firmly on her face, and this time a hint of sincerity managed to creep into her voice.

"I'm doing fine Harry, how about you". She hated how wooden her phrase sounded, like Harry was a distant acquaintance she had no interest in talking to.

"I'm alright". She looked down from the ceiling (which she ahd been focusing on) and saw that his smile had faltered.

"What's wrong Harry?", she inquired quietly, sincerely wanting to know the answer and sincerely wanting to help.

"Can you keep a secret?". His voice was hushed. All traces of his cheerfulness seemed gone, replaced by a melancholy she had not seen since before the war ended.

"Of course Harry".

He looked at her for a while before sighing.

"I dunno, I feel like I made a mistake".

_What?_

"What do you mean?". Ginny's curiosity was now peaked.

"I feel like I made a mistake when I married Hermione".

"What do you mean", Ginny stuttered, genuinely flabbergasted.

Harry just sat in silence for a while.

"We don't talk anymore, we just sort of coexist", he suddenly burst out.

"And when we do we just fight and argue".

_This is interesting._

"I feel like we don't really love each other, like we're just friends".

_Oh._

"Is that wrong, is it wrong to not want to kiss her, to not want to do anything beyond hugging her?"

He didn't even let Ginny answer his question before he continued.

"We haven't even had sex yet and we've been dating for two years and married for half a month, and the thing is I don't want to and can't imagine ever wanting to". His voice petered out into a mumble.

"What should I do Gin?". He was sad and fragile, Ginny could see the tears brimming behind his eyes.

"You're the first person I've told, please help me". He was pleading with her now.

Ginny was silent for a long time.

_Here is your chance._

But what if this is just a phase.

_A two year long phase?_

Yes, or maybe they love each other romantically but not sexually.

_That's insane, and you know it._

She loves him and he loves her, end of story.

_But how can you be so sure?_

I just am.

_She could still be yours._

Ginny was startled out of her thoughts by the sound of the door opening, and before she had thought it through she was answering.

"Harry, I honestly think you two can work this out".

_WHAT!?_

"Really?"

"Yes, I think you two work together wonderfully and I'm sure this is just a temporary hitch".

_DO YOU WANT TO SUFFER, DO YOU WANT TO KEEP HURTING YOURSELF._

"Thanks Ginny I needed that". Harry sounded so relieved that Ginny's raging internal voice stopped.

"No problem". She smiled.

"Anyway I have to get going now, I'm off to St. Mungo's". Harry seemed surprised at this before a smile spread across his face.

"I'm headed there too, you want to walk with me?".

"Of course Harry". She couldn't very well refuse him, but she was paralyzed that he would find out why she was there. She had a pretty good idea of why her magic had started to weaken, and if Harry found out he would not like it one bit.

"Wonderful".

The two got up and headed out, Ginny with her still untouched cup of coffee clasped in her hands.

They walked along in companionable silence until they reached the entrance to the hospital, which was a small, dingy, and disgustingly filthy elevator on the ground floor of a department store.

As they were on their way down into the hospital Harry turned to her and asked why she was going in.

"Routine check up, I still get nightmares from the war and I have to come in every now and then to get my potion and to have a Healer probe around". It was only partially true. She did in fact have to come in for the regular checkups to see if the nightmares were intesifying and to get her Dreamless sleep potion, but that wasn't why she was here today.

Harry reached the First Floor and left after thanking her again and saying goodbye.

When he had left Ginny sank down to her knees and began to cry.

_SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE._

Hermione filled her thoughts, she could barely breath or haul herself upright, the grief was too tangible. She was well aware that she had just solidified her own doom. Long ago she had lain the foundations for her hell and now the last fiery brick was in place her torment could truly begin. She had thought that the wedding was as bad as it would ever get, but this was worse. This time Ginny had a choice, and much like the first time she had cast away the chance of being with Hermione.

_She will never be mine._


	3. Chapter 3

Ginny would have liked to remain there, just lying in the elevator, but unfortunately she had to get to the Healer. She stood and dusted herself off. As she did so, she schooled her expression into her normal facade of cheeriness, though if her suspicions as to the nature of the disease were correct, the Healer would not be fooled.

When her clothes were spotless and her expression was passably normal, Ginny headed out of the elevator and onto the second floor of the hospital.

The hallway she stepped into was white and polished, lined with doors on either side, and had sunlight, either natural or magical, streaming in through many windows. Big white signs proclaimed the purposes of the various offices and wards, and their respective Healer's names. In the middle of the hall stood a booth behind which sat a bored looking middle-aged witch. The sign above her read 'Receptionist'. Ginny was about to ask her when she saw the name of the Healer she was looking for on a door to her left. Arthur J. Smethwick was a specialist in diseases and conditions that affected people's magic, and according to Luna was absolutely brilliant at what he did.

Ginny had been sceptical about the appointment at first, but when her magical prowess continued to decline to the point where she could barely use a Summoner anymore she became more accepting of the idea that something might be wrong with her.

She approached the door and knocked, not letting her nervousness show through. The door opened and an old man wearing St. Mungo's robes and a broad smile ushered her in and closed the door behind her.

"Please have a seat Miss. Weasley". The man had a very genial, robust voice which matched his rather vastly proportioned stomach and rotund red face. Ginny was immediately put in mind of an overripe tomato.

"Now your case is a rather interesting one". Ginny could see that. He seemed genuinely captivated by the file on her that he had just opened.

"You have almost never been ill, never had any problems with your magic, and have never been seriously injured. However you _do _have terrible nightmares after your experiences in the war". He continued after he had finished perusing the file. "I think that we have two possibilities that we can explore and I'm almost certain that I know which of the two it is. I am going to need to ask you a few questions however to eliminate the first one".

_Maybe not eliminate..._

"Would you say that your magic is strongly linked to your emotions?"

Ginny pondered this for a second.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean does your magical performance vary depending on how you are feeling at the time?"

"Yes". Whenever she got angry things would explode, when she got sad flowers would wilt, and when she was nervous she would put way too much power into her spells. Definitely yes.

"Alright then". He made an annotation on her file and she noticed the corners of his smile turn slightly downward. He looked back up at her.

"Have you recently experienced any sort of major emotional upheaval?"

_The books were right._

"Yes". This time her voice barely managed to squeeze out of her throat, she felt the crushing weight that she had managed to dispell come back with a vengeance.

"Did this upheaval involve any sort of, ah, romantic relationship?". This time his smile had completely vanished along with a large portion of the red colouring on his face. He looked highly concerned.

"Yes". it sounded more like a wisp of air than a voice. Ginny was fighting a burning sensation in her eyes that heralded more tears.

The Healer's face was now strained, and his concern had turned into full-out worry and there even seemed to be traces of sorrow. After a few seconds however, he composed himself and his face was alight with grim determination.

"Miss Weasley I am afraid to say that my original diagnosis was incorrect. I was under the impression that you were merely suffering a sort of magical fluctuation, where your own magic "hibernates", if you will. This condition is often observed in people who have fought in wars or who have jobs that require heavy use of powerful magic. It is fortunate that I decided to check because otherwise I would have told you to just take it easy for a few weeks. This would have been incredibly stupid of me Miss, because I now believe that you are suffering from something else."

"Fractum Cor". Ginny's soft voice cut in. She had feared this since she had started noticing her weakened magic about a week and a half ago, when she had researched it and had found this particular disease.

Smethwick regarded her in shock for a moment before opening his mouth, no doubt to ask her how she knew about the obscure condition.

"Don't bother with how I know, it is enough to know that I understand the causes and the consequences". Ginny liked Smethwick, she truly did, but she really did not want to have a discussion about her private life with the old man right now.

"Well then, I'm not sure what I CAN do for you, no one who has ever suffered Fractum Cor has ever gotten over it without, ah, solving their problem". The Healer looked a bit lost.

_Knew that all along._

Ginny didn't blame him. Fractum Cor was rare, it was unlikely that the Healer had even studied it during training, much less actually ever treated a patient with it. The condition was both psychological and physiological, and no one was exactly sure how or why it worked. All that was known about it was that it was literally shattered heart disease. Those afflicted with it were always magical, usually witches, and always had a strong link between their magic and their emotions. And if not cured they almost never survived longer than a year. Their own magic would be entirely out of their control and would wreak havoc within their bodies.

Ginny knew that the only known reliable cure was to have one's heart "mended" again. Like that was ever going to happen.

"I'm terribly sorry Miss Weasley". He didn't say anything else. He didn't have anything else _to_ say.

"Well I suppose this is it then". Ginny stood up and left the room, not heeding the man's forcedly jovial "Goodbye then Miss Weasley".

She was on autopilot all the way back to her flat. She just couldn't process the information she had just been given.

_I'm going to die._

And the thing was, she didn't care.


	4. Chapter 4

Ginny was scared.

She didn't fear death, but she had no idea what she would tell her parents, her siblings, Luna, Harry.

_Hermione._

After the jolt of apparition had faded away, she felt the all too familiar numbness sink back in and not for the first(or the last) time she welcomed it, relishing in not having to feel or think. It had gone from a cursed affliction to a comfort recently, especially whenever she remembered how messed up her life had become.

She walked down the street staring straight ahead of her, taking no notice of the warm autumn sunlight streaming down, or of the red and verdant leaves swirling down from above. Her flat was located in a small neighbourhood just outside of London, and she loved(or used to, when she still cared about anything) the way she could be within a single apparition's distance from a city center and still live in this gorgeous area.

Her stupor wore off just in time for her to see that she had reached her destination.

Her flat was not by any means the largest or the most attractive of places to live, but it was comfortable and it was better than her other options, which had all been appartments in the city.

_And this was closer to Hermione._

The house was a light brown color and had a grey, tiled roof, which was by now practically green with moss. Ginny walked up the leaf strewn path towards the front door, and she saw that it had been unlocked.

Ginny opened the door and was met by the sight of Luna Lovegood sitting at her oak kitchen table. She immediately noticed that the smell of alcohol had gone, and so too had the sources of the smell. After this revelation she also noticed that the entire place appeared to have been cleaned. There were even fresh flowers sitting in the window sill.

Her eyes fell on Luna.

She was wearing comfortable-looking blue robes and seemed to be caught up in a book she was reading. Her expression was one of intense concentration and she hadn't even noticed Ginny come in.

_She's beautiful. _Was Ginny's first thought as she looked upon her best friend in all the world.

And indeed she was, with her long and curly blond locks cascading over her oval shaped face, perfectly framing her startlingly blue eyes and her gorgeous light pink lips.

Ginny felt something stir as her mind was drawn to another pair of lips, a much fuller, redder, pair of lips.

_**Hermione was not looking her in the eyes. She had asked Ginny if they could talk at breakfast this morning and here she was, in the Room of Requirement(which was a comfortable sitting room). Now that they were here however, Hermione seemed reluctant to actually start. She kept gnawing on her bottom lip in a ridiculously distracting way, her hazel eyes shining with nervousness and something else that Ginny could not quite place.**_

_NOT NOW._

She was snapped out of her flashback in time to see Luna look up at her and form a bright smile on her face. She practically lit up the room.

" Hi Ginny, how did the appointment go?". The brief smile she had had when she first saw Ginny had vanished now, replaced by anxious worry for her friend.

"Hey Luna, I wasn't expecting to see you here. Thanks for cleaning my house by the way", she said, avoiding the subject of her diagnosis completely.

Luna, however, was not to be distracted and pressed on.

"Yes, your house was disgusting when I arrived and you weren't back yet, that is inconsequential however, what I came here to know is what is wrong with you". Luna's eyes were boring holes into hers, as if she could excavate the answer through sheer willpower alone.

"Alright then". Ginny let out a massive sigh. "I am suffering from Fractum Cor, as if you didn't know that". Her voice sounded bitter even to her own ears.

Luna's face fell. Her shoulders slumped and Ginny could see tears welling up in her eyes.

"I couldn't be sure". This time Luna's voice was subdued and faint. The last time Ginny had heard it like this had been at Hogwarts, when Luna had been alone and friendless and buried in a protective shell of oddness. It scared Ginny because the woman come far since those days, and the thouht of Ginny's own weakness hurting Luna was almost unbearable.

_Damn Hermione._

"I don't know enough about it to make judgements", Luna gulped, "and I guess I was hoping that I was wrong". Her voice broke at the last statement.

Ginny stood and headed to Luna's side, lifting the crying girl to her feet and slowly guiding her to the couch where she sat them both down and wrapped her arms securely around her best friend.

"It's alright, it's alright", Ginny cooed into Luna's ear. She slowly rocked her back and forth until she felt Luna fall asleep

They sat there for a long time, many hours at least, until dark had fallen and Ginny began to feel the usual cravings steal over her.

She wanted alcohol and women, and she wanted them now.

L

I

N

E

B

R

E

A

K

After taking Luna back to her place, a small cottage in the countryside surrounded by vast fields of green grass, Ginny apparated to Diagon Alley.

It wasn't her favorite location, because she knew too many people there, but right now she felt the need for some firewhisky, and she wasn't going to get that in muggle London. She hurried down the Alley until she reached her usual frequent in the area, Club Pink.

Before she could go in however, a soft hand landing on her shoulder stopped her in her tracks.

She knew the feeling that raced down her body and heated her entire being up until she couldn't stand it. The feeling of every sense and sensation magnified a thousand times over until each overwhelmed her in their own right. The faint smell of flowers mingling with fresh parchment and ink and a hint of cinnamon, the blurring of her vision with desire, the silken contact of slim fingers caresses lighting trails of fire wherever they landed, and a craving for a taste she had once had, in better, brighter days.

She would know Hermione Granger's touch anywhere.

**A/N: To the people who were looking for Harry/Ginny stories, I just want to know why you would click on a story that clearly says F/F.**

**To everyone else thanks for reading/reviewing.**


	5. Chapter 5

_She would know Hermione's touch anywhere._

Ginny froze.

All thought ceased and was replaced by sheer horror.

_I can't face her now._

And so she kept her back turned.

"Hi Ginny" came the sweet sound of Her voice. Its smooth perfection never ceased to amaze her. Ginny's tongue was made of lead and she could feel her fingers shaking like leaves in the wind. No, it was not just her fingers, her _entire body _shook. And she couldn't stop it.

"Are you alright Ginny." She could imagine Hermione's gorgeous face, concern lighting her piercing eyes. She didn't just imagine it, she COULD see it, down to the most minute of details. It took her malnourished and severely compromised brain a few seconds to realize that Hermione had spun her around and was now facing her.

Finally Ginny's brain kicked in.

"Nothing's wrong Hermione." The lie was transparent to both of them, and Ginny knew it.

"No you're not, what are you doing here? If you're sick shouldn't you be at home? I remember Harry telling me you were at St. Mungo's earlier. Is it serious?"

The rapidfire questions zoomed straight over Ginny's head but through her Hermione-induced stupor she vaguely recognized that something felt _right._ Nothing had felt this way in what seemed to Ginny like forever. She shook of the brief happiness and resolved to get rid of Hermione as fast as possible.

"To be perfectly honest Hermione it's none of your business if I want to go out. I'm a grown woman, I can make my own choices." Hermione let her arm fall to her side, ending the contact, for which Ginny was relieved, but the relief vanished to be replaced by guilt upon seeing the hurt expression which crossed Hermione's face. Ginny steeled herself to make it even worse.

"But if you're not feeling well you should be resting."

_Rest won't help anything._

"Like I said, I'm fine, now if you don't mind, I'll be on my way." Ginny tried very hard to stay on her feet. She had no idea what was going on with her. It was probably a symptom or something.

For the first time, Hermione's face showed traces of anger.

"Look at you," she burst out, "you can barely stand up, you look like a gust of wind will blow you away. If you think I'm going to let my best friend do this to herself you've got another thing coming." And with that, she promptly grabbed Ginny's wrist and apparated.

When the wooziness stopped, Ginny looked around and took in her surroundings. She was in a large, cozy room, with brick walls and merry flames illuminating it from a fireplace on the far side of the room. It was filled with comfortable, practical furniture and decorated with many paintings, both muggle and magical. This was Hermione and Harry's living room. Alone in one side of the room stood an old Steinway grand piano, with sheet music open on its stand. Ginny vaguely remebered someone telling her about Hermione starting to learn the piano. She also remembered not caring much. She turned to face Hermione and demand an explanation only to find that Hermione had exited the room.

She was about to leave when Hermione came back in carrying a tray with a teapot, two cups, and a plateful of gingerbread cookies. Hermione set them down on a wooden table in the middle of the room and gestured for Ginny to sit down next to her on the couch. Ginny walked over and sat on a chair on the other side of the table instead. Unfortunately this meant that she had to look at Hermione. She cast her eyes downward.

Hermione busied herself pouring tea and milk and for a few seconds all was silent. Hermione handed Ginny a steaming cup of tea and Ginny muttered a "Thanks" under her breath.

Hermione looked at Ginny with a calculating expression and laced her fingers together.

"So"

_**"So," began Hermione, her voice nervous, "I heard about you and Dean breaking up, I'm very sorry to hear that, are you ok?".**_

_**"Of course." replied Ginny, "He was a berk." **_

_**"I'm happy that you ended it, actually." Hermione's nervousness had increased tenfold.**_

_**"Why is that?" Ginny asked, extremely curious as to what had gotten the beautiful girl in front of her into such a tither. **_

_**Hermione didn't answer. Instead she leaned slowly forward and brought her lips slowly closer to Ginny's.**_

_NO, CANT THINK ABOUT THAT NOW_

Ginny could have swore Hermione had grown even more beautiful since they had sat down. She couldn't pull her eyes away from Hermione's stunning face.

"I want to know exactly what is wrong with you, no lies about PTSD because I know what that looks like and this is not it." She continued.

Ginny felt a cruel and twisted joy rise up in her.

_Finally she can feel what I feel._

The thoughts frightened her and she banished them, but they lingered in the back of her mind. She would definitely not tell Hermione.

She was spared having to think up a reasonably believable lie when she passed out.


	6. Chapter 6

Head spinning, stomach churning, Ginny woke up. Looking all around, she quickly ascertained that she was, once more, back in St. Mungo's, and futhermore, she was not alone. Healer Smethwick was pacing rapidly about the room with his head held between his hands, muttering something inaudible to himself, and a further glance confirmed that Luna was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, brows furrowed and nervously biting her nails. Upon seeing Ginny wake up, Luna leapt up and flung herself at her, wrapping her arms around Ginny and placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I was so worried," she murmured, "you need to take better care of yourself, Ginny." She pulled back, looked Ginny in the eyes and said "You can't survive on alcohol, you're killing your body. I forced Healer Smethwick to tell me all about your disease, and I know I can't help you with that, but I can at least help feed you and stop your destructive behaviour, so I've decided to move in with you."

"Ah, WE, have decided that it would be best if, for the present, you were not left to your own devices, Miss Weasly", came the deep voice of Healer Smethwick, who had been looking extremely uncomfortable for the duration of this little scence and had found an opening to bring some reason in. "To this end, Miss Lovegood shall be living with you and ensuring that you are taken care of. The only way to defeat Fractum Cor, it would seem from my studying, is through human support and warmth, hopefully Miss Lovegood will suffice."

Ginny could not quite process this information and was tempted to pass out again, but she felt the beginning of happiness blossom deep within her chest.

_At least SOMEONE cares about me._

Ubidden, images of last night began to flood Ginny's mind, Hermione looking concerned for her, Hermione making tea, Hermione's perfect face hovering close to hers, Hermione's scent...

_STOP THAT!_

Ginny tore her mind away and focused only on the little bloom if joy, she would beat this disease, and she would forget Hermione. Ginny leapt from the bed, all aches and pains forgotten in her newfound optimism, thanked Healer Smethwick for his concern, grabbed Luna by the arm, and sauntered confidently out of the room.

"Where are we going" exclaimed Luna, a bemused smile spread across her face as she was dragged along.

"Breakfast."

The instant they crossed the threshold out of St. Mungo's Ginny, still clasping Luna's hand, apparated them into her appartment. Ginny glanced out of the window and saw the sun shining brightly overhead, despite the season, and she walked over to it and flung it open, breathing deeply as fresh air wafted over her face. She remained there, looking out over the city until she heard Luna's voice coming from the general vicinity of the kitchen.

"There is literally no food here."

_Oh shit, she's angry_

Ginny turned around reluctantly only to come face to face with a glowering Luna.

"Ummm, I was gonna buy some yesterday but some other stuff came up." Ginny offered weakly, knowing that Luna was not going to buy it. To her surprise however, Luna's features softened.

"You were with Hermione right, after you left me."

"How did you know."

"She was the one who told me you were at St. Mungo's, she wanted to stay with you but she had a prior engagement."

_She wanted to stay by my side?_

Once more memories of yesterday flooded Ginny's mind and she had to fight them off. She sank to her knees and put her face in her hands, moving her head from side to side as if to shake out all of the memories. Luna knelt down and put her hand on Ginny's back, rubbing slow circles, and Ginny felt incrementally better.

"Let's go get something to eat, we can go shopping for food afterwards" said Luna in a cajoling tone.

Ginny said nothing in respone and remained hunched over, eyes closed.

"It'll take your mind off of things." This time the words were whispered, and they had an immediate effect. Ginny opened her eyes, let out an audible sigh, and stood up.

"Let's go" said Ginny, all of her recently regained vibrancy rushing back.

A few minutes later and they were seated at a small muggle restaurant which served what it claimed to be Thai-Indian fusion cuisine.

"I've wanted to come here ever since I heard about it." Luna seemed to be affected by Ginny's good mood, and her usual carefreneness was slowly seeping back. "This was the perfect opportunity."

"You do realize that this is supposed to be breakfast right?" drawled Ginny, eyeing the massive complex names on her menu with distrustful eyes.

"And your point would be?" came Luna's response.

"I like my mouth and stomach the way they are, thank you very much."

"Ah well, too bad." Luna grinned.

The idle banter felt good, Ginny missed this kind of normality in her life. It brought her an enormous amount of comfort and reminded her of much simpler, happier times, before her world was torn apart, before she found out she was going to die, before she realized her feelings...

_STOP!_

But it was too late

_**Hermione's lips were silken, warm to the touch and perfectly smooth, marred not by even the slightest of blemishes. Despite her shock, Ginny felt a mighty euphoria thundering through herself, utterly conquering her body, mind, and soul. She felt no longer like Ginny Weasley, but like the essense of delight manifested in physical form, the embodiment of sheer ecstacy. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms about Hermione, bringing their bodies crashing together, fusing into one entity. THIS was what Ginny wanted, THIS was what Ginny had craved for years and years, and she was filled to the brim with a sense of completion. After an indefinite, irrelevant period of time, the girls pulled apart, eyes fixed on the other's, entranced by what they had just experienced. Hermione opened her mouth and said the four words that were Ginny's final undoing:**_

_**"I love you..."**_

"Ginny, are you alright." Luna's voice shattered Ginny's memory and pulled her back to reality.

"Oh... yes, yes I'm fine." Ginny sounded extremely airy and faint, even to herself.

"Good, because you need to order." Just then, Ginny spotted the tall, brown skinned man waiting patiently by their table.

"Oh, I'm very sorry, spaced out for a bit there." Ginny exclaimed, before proceeding to order a water.

"She will also be having a lamb-noodle curry, medium spicy." Luna had not even looked up from the copy of The Quibbler that she had apparently pulled out during Ginny's flashback.

"Will I?"

"Yes you will." Luna's voice was firm.


	7. Chapter 7

I apologize for the lateness, I just started Grade 12 and between school, sports, and friends, have had very little time to write anything and life has been seriously hectic. Thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed.

2 weeks later:

Ginny had gradually grown accustomed to Luna's constant presence in her life, and had to her own disbelief made drastic improvements to her health. Luna was definitely the main reason. She was reluctant to leave Ginny's side, and had even gone so far as to take a month's leave from her much beloved job in the newly created Department for the Preservation of Rare Magical Creatures and her even more beloved hobby of writing articles for the Quibbler. It seemed to GInny that every time she felt depressed or unhappy or even just hungry Luna was there, whether it be with a comforting hand or a warm nourishing meal(of the kind that Ginny rarely ate these days). Today was the first day that Ginny had been left alone, as Luna had gone to visit her father. Luna had invited Ginny, but Ginny still remebered all too well Xenophiliuses betrayal during the war. She did not blame him, but could not bring herself to forgive him. After all, he had sold Harry to the Dark Lord.

_And Hermione too._

This left Ginny all alone at home, as her boss had been notified by her Healer that she was unwell and not fit for work. Ginny had spent the day lying around in a sort of daze.

_How could I have lived like this for so long?_

By the time the afternoon had arrived, Ginny was consumed by severe boredom, of the kind that would previously have been combatted with a trip to the bar and vast quantities of alcohol consumed. But she couldn't do that, if not for her own sake then for Luna, who had been pouring her heart and soul into helping Ginny recover. The problem was, the minute she was left with enough time to think, she would immediately slip into a dark cloud of remembrance and brooding. She had been improving in this aspect, and many days went by when not a single thought of Hermione went through her head. But today was not one of them.

_I'm so FUCKING WEAK._

Images of Hermione filled her head, Hermione's face, her hair, her scent, her touch, all flashing through Ginny's mind. And then she was back. Back to her 7th year self, watching Hermione and Harry kiss in the Common Room. Back to her 6th year, constantly worrying about Hermione's safety. Back to her 5th year, kissing Hermione for one glorious instant before making the biggest mistake of her life.

_She should have been mine._

_She WAS mine._

_But I threw her away, and she's not coming back, now DEAL WITH IT._

The tears streaking furiously down Ginny's cheeks slowed and then stopped. Her sobs abruptly ceased. And she sat silent for a long time. So blind and numb was she to the world that she did not hear the sound of the fireplace blasting into life.

A figure emerged, swathed in green flame, and approached Ginny cautiously, furtively, almost reverently. Then it rushed towards her and flung it's arms about her in a tight hug.

Ginny snapped from her blankness and was instantaneously assaulted by the overwhelming presence of Hermione. The hug that Ginny found herself enveloped in was absolutely throat-constrictingly crushing.

"Hermione?" Ginny tentatively whispered after the initial shock had worn of sufficiently for her to speak again. The brunette let go and reluctantly leaned back from Ginny, although her hands remained on Ginny's lower arms, clasping gently but possessively. Ginny could not stop herself from staring at Hermione's anxious face. Despite her furrowed brows and frantic lip chewing, or perhaps because of them, Ginny found herself once more ensnared in Hermione.

"What's wrong with you!" Hermione blurted out after a brief pause, "First Harry tells me he meets you on the way to St. Mungo's for a "_regular check-up_", then Luna tells me she's moving in with you to take care of you?" Her anxiety had given way to fury. "Why wouldn't Luna tell me what was wrong, why did you lie to Harry, why did you NOT TELL ME?"

Ginny found she could no longer meet Hermione's blazing eyes.

"What, you just going to stand there and say nothing?" Hermione demanded. "I just want to know what's wrong Ginny."

And then the crying started.

Hermione's tears fell, many and hard, great sobs wracked her body, her outward anger gave way to absolute misery of the kind Ginny had never seen her exhibit. To her own shock and horror she could feel vindictive pleasure building up inside of her once more, as the thought of revealing to Hermione now, at her absolute nadir, that she, Hermione Granger, was responsible for everything.

"I assumed you would be too busy with Harry to care."

Ginny realized that these cold, cruel words had just sprung from her own mouth, and she could hear the bitterness resonating in every syllable. Hermione stopped crying and looked back up at Ginny, letting her arms fall from Ginny's and to her side.

_Why am I blaming her for my own faults?_

"Why would I EVER be too busy for a friend, for someone I care for? Do you really think so little of me?" Hermione's voice was quiet now.

"No" Ginny muttered.

"Then why won't you tell me?" Hermione begged.

"Because I don't want to, and that's the end of it."

"Well, I'll just have to find out then." Hermione looked absolutely determined. Her eyes glinted with the same light that shone when she had discovered the Basilisk, the same light she got whenever she researched Horcruxes or whenever she talked about SPEW. Ginny could not help herself, and was drawn as a lump of metal is to a magnet, until her face was pressing into Hermione's, their eyes staring directly into each others'.

"Don't."

When Ginny managed to force her voice out it came out completely broken and weary.

"Believe me you don't want to know."

"Of course I do!"

Ginny mustered all of her wits and finally was able to say, through grated teeth:

"If you have any respect whatsoever for me, you will not look into this."

Hermione's face fell and the light in her eyes died, leaving her looking ten years older and very frail. She moved away from Ginny and sat down in one of the kitchen chairs.

"Okay then. I understand. You have Luna now, you don't need me anymore." Hermione sounded so dejected that Ginny was almost compelled by her wildly beating heart to embrace Hermione, but she reigned it in. She knew she had to play this just right. She had to stop Hermione from bothering her about her disease, but she could not bear the thought of making Hermione even sadder.

"It's not like that Hermione," Ginny said soothingly, "It's just that it makes more sense for Luna to help me right now, you were just recently married and you and Harry..."

"Don't talk to me about Harry." Hermione's abrupt and abrasive tone was very different from her previous one, and Ginny instantly recalled Harry's confession to her. _**"I feel like we don't really love each other." **_

_Stop the wishful thinking._

"And why-ever not?" Ginny asked.

Hermione looked down and said:

"I'm terrible to him, he always tries so hard for my sake, always offers to help me, keeps taking me out on dates, and is constantly mindful of my feelings, but I just brush him off."

Ginny was caught entirely off guard by this out-of-nowhere confession.

"Why?"

Hermione looked back up at Ginny with sad and tired eyes.

"Because I don't love him, and I never have, and I never will, and it's killing me."


	8. Chapter 8

As the unspoken "what should I do" hung in the air, Ginny waited for the gravity of Hermione's revelation to hit. It never did. She already understood as much subconsciously anyway. Ginny knew Hermione. She knew Hermione down to her marrow, and Hermione could never love someone like Harry. Someone solid and dependable, but lacking the spark, the blazing passion that Hermione craved, had sought her entire life.

Hermione's moisture tinted eyes sought Ginny's, seeking a trace of reaction, but could find none. Ginny just continued to sit there, ponderous and gloomy, mulling over what she had known for a long time but had never acknowledged. It was SO DAMN OBVIOUS.

_She should have been mine._

Ginny could sense dozens of futures opening before her. Everything now relied on her reaction, her every word and deed. She slowly calmed the raging blizzard in her mind, prepared a vast array of platitudes, took a deep breath, and... Nothing came out. She could feel her very soul struggling against her mind, which was ordering her to attempt to reconcile Hermione and Harry, _like any good friend would_, whilst an animalistic, deep part of her screamed and raged, demanding she rip her friends' relationship apart.

Before she could say something she would forever regret, she wrested back control.

"You probably just need to settle into your marriage," Ginny began, but was cut off by Hermione vigorously shaking her head.

"You don't understand, I don't think I ever did." Fresh tears were trailing down Hermione's cheeks now.

"I think I just got swept up by everyone's expectations, I didn't want to disappoint them, and now I have no clue what to do."

_STRIKE NOW_

Ginny's dark side continued assaulting her, a hurricane of passion and anger ripping through her fragile emotional shields.

Ginny reached over and took Hermione's hand in hers, ignoring her inner turmoil and years of resentment for the sake of her friend.

"Do whatever you think is right, 'Mione," Ginny managed to force out. "Just remember that if you leave Harry now you might regret it for life."

_WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING_

Ginny's words left a foul taste in her mouth, but what else could she do? Flashes of Harry and Hermione kissing, the jubilant faces of the Weasley's and Hermione's parents at their wedding, their wedding cake, more kissing, magical confetti streaming like multi-colored snow onto the newly married couple assailed Ginny in quick succession. Her chest constrained painfully. She felt sick.

_You can stop this NOW_

"Just leave me alone."

Ginny realized that she had said that out loud. Hermione's hurt and shocked face dragged her back to reality.

"Not you, don't worry, I've had a long day." Ginny rushed to explain.

Hermione did not answer and looked away.

"You know what Ginny." Hermione's voice was thick with emotion and she struggled to get every word out. "I know you've been avoiding me."

Ginny felt an icy sensation grip her. "That's not true 'Mione."

Hermione tore her hand forcefully from Ginny's and stood up.

"Stop lying to me, Ginevra Weasley, you hate me and I don't know why and it kills me, you've been sitting there hoping I'll just finish and leave. I don't know what I've done to make you feel this way, but I wish you'd tell me instead of keeping it to yourself and Luna." She spat the blonde's name like a curse.

"What the hell does Luna have to do with this?" Ginny was getting riled up too now.

"I know she's been living with you and taking care of you, and I don't know why you'd go to her and not me for help, I thought we were best friends but I guess I was wrong." Hermione's voice was laced with venom.

"You were too busy with your fucking husband, who you apparently couldn't care less for." Ginny was truly enraged now. "And for some reason you decide to be angry at me for asking Luna for help with something which, by the way, does not concern you AT ALL despite the fact that you've been.." Ginny trailed off.

"I've been what?"

Ginny did not answer.

"What have I been doing Ginny?" Hermione sounded desperate.

_TELL HER_

"Nothing." Ginny's response was poker-faced, stoic.

"It's NOT nothing, please Ginny, I just want to help." Hermione looked shattered now, her eyes pleading with Ginny, and just like that Ginny iron-resolve broke.

"You wanna know, huh?" God her voice sounded tired and hoarse. Only Hermione could do this to her, make her feel so wretched.

"I'm sick, Hermione, I've been sick for a while now, and it's bad." Ginny couldn't bear to look at Hermione's devastated face. "Luna's moved in to take care of me and hopefully to help me recover."

"Ginny..." Hermione's voice was soft, caring. Ginny could lose herself in that soft, delicate sound.

Suddenly she was assailed by the sensation of Hermione's arms encircling her in a tight embrace.

"I wish you would have told me sooner, I could have helped." Hermione muttered into Ginny's messy hair.

"I'm sorry" Ginny broke down and started sobbing, "I'm so sorry 'Mione, it's been awful without you."

Hermione slowly maneuvered herself and Ginny until they were sat on the singular couch in Ginny's apartment, with Hermione behind Ginny, wrapping her tightly in a ball of warmth. Ginny had not felt this safe, protected, and content in a very long time. Hermione's touch soothed her very soul, temporarily easing her pains and cares away, leaving behind only the euphoric sensation of being loved. Ginny closed her eyes, and slept the soundest sleep she had in years.


End file.
